Saturday, April 5, 2014

Serious Post

I know most of the time that i post on here it's about relatively frivolous things, but sometimes ya gotta take a moment an acknowledge the serious issues. i don't know if i've already said it on here, but i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder with GAD (general anxiety disorder) almost two years ago. (At the moment i'm not sure how accurate that diagnosis is, but that's a whole other post.)

Lately it's been a pain trying to get my medications straight, not just because i'm in a different country with different drugs but also the language barrier. i've never been big on therapy, tried it and found it wasn't for me. but now i'm thinking someone to talk to wouldn't be so bad. most of that burden lies on my boyfriend at the moment, but i know it takes a toll on him and i can be pretty mean to him sometimes, especially when i'm cycling (going from depressed, "normal", manic).

It's really hard for me here because i have no friends or social life, i  have no job, i take a german course twice a week where most of the people are my mother's age, and most of my family members are too busy with their own lives to spend time with me. i feel alone, lost, helpless, and depressed. i want to go home, but i know i need to push myself to stick it out. it's only a few months until my (probable) move to sweden, and if i can just hold out until then, i see a brighter outlook. i'll be in school hopefully, make new friends, have my boyfriend around, etc. things that right now seem so unattainable.

3 months is not a long time considering i've already been here for 6, so hopefully i can find some inner strength and push through. i have a doctor's appt in 2 weeks, anyway and we'll try to get things straightened out.

i'm sorry this is such a serious, depressing post but i wanted to let you guys know why i haven't been posting lately. i had nothing to say, i felt like i was nothing. but i'm hopeful.


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